Don't Follow Your Heart
by Return My Sanity
Summary: Hermione reflects on her unrequited love for Ginny, and that one night they spent together. Fem-slash, don't like don't read. Smut.


**This is a little story about Hermione's unrequited love for Ginny. Some f/f smut.  
>Please review :)<strong>

Have you ever loved one person so much that you're on the verge of hating them? Loved them so much that the very presence makes you sick to your very core. Not because they're oh, so fucking perfect, but because you know that they're out of reach, and they always will be. I have. For over a year now I've been looking at her, following her and stalking her. Am I insane for doing these things? I think I am, but most others seem to disagree. You are always told to fight for the ones you love and never give up, which is excactly what I'm doing.

Does anyone actually believe in that shit? Does anyone truly believe that you are the only key to your own happiness? That as long as you take the chance and tell the one you love about your feelings there is no way they could reject you? What kind of rubbish is that? Love isn't fair, and it most certainly doesn't come if your work hard for it. Someone will remain without their love for the rest of their lives. Just like me. Yeah, like you hadn't guessed it already. Only a person whose heart has been torn in two could speak with this much bitterness. I am well aware of how people must see me. Bitter, angry and cold, those are the best words to describe me.

I wasn't always like this. There was a time when I, too, believed in love. But not anymore. Not after _her. _She broke me. She took out my heart and stomped on it, and it broke, but I couldn't blame her for it. I was the one who put my heart on the line, and you can't hold a grudge against someone because they don't feel the way you want them to.

Ginny Weasley was the center of my affections. She was my everything , and she wass all I ever wanted, all I ever needed. She didn't seem to notice me, but then again, why should she? Why should she have believed that I, Hermione Granger, her best friend, wanted to be anything other than friends with her? Never before had I fallen in love with a girl. It wasn't natural. Ginny didn't notice me, she was too wrapped up in Harry to see the way I looked at her. That's how unnatural it was. So unnatural that no one ever dared to assume that I had feelings for her. Why should I? I was a girl, I was expected to fall in love with a boy, not a girl. If everything had worked out I would've fallen in love with Ron, like everybody expected me to, and we would've been happy together.

But life is never easy, is it? Instead of falling in love with Ron, I felt myself drawn to his little sister. Instead of hanging out with Ron and Harry I began to make excuses to hang out with Ginny. I was well aware that nothing could ever happen between us. I saw the way she looked at Harry, a way I knew she'd never look at me. But I couldn't help it. I had to be with her, talk to her, study with her. Whatever she was doing I wanted to do it with her. Ron, Harry and all others just assumed that I had grown tired of just hanging around boys. If only they knew...

Then one day, after months of torture, I'd had enough. She'd just entered the empty common room, and I noticed traces of tears on her cheeks. She looked like a complete mess, but still I wanted nothing more than to embrace her, kiss her, and make her mine forever. That's the love, I suppose. Love when you want to be with someone regardless of what they look like at that very moment. You just want them. Because you love them.

She sat down in a chair. Her eyes were swollen and her cheeks were flushed. What had happened? I got insanely mad at the thought of someone hurting her. She was the most delicate little person, and angel if you'd like, and that someone had made her cry made me angry beyond words. However, this wasn't a time for anger or revenge. Comfort was what she needed now. She looked totally destraught, so I went over to her and knelt before her.

"Ginny, what's the matter?" I asked softly, running my hand soothingly up her back.

"Oh, nothing," she choked, blinking back som tears. "Just some school stuff."

"Ginny, I know that's not it," I started, looking her deep in the eyes. "You can tell me."

Ginny looked at me, her eyes dull "It's Harry" she said.

A the mention of Harry's name I started to boil "What did he do?" I said, harsher than I intended, but Ginny didn't seem to notice.

"Well, we have agreed to take the relationship to the next level, I mean physically," she said and her face flushed a bit. The thought of Harry touching Ginny made me sick to the very core, but I had to push the thought away. "So he took me to the room of requirement after lessons. We started making out, but then I started pulling back because I wasn't sure if it was really what I wanted. I hadn't expected him to start yelling at me because of it." Now she was sobbing.

"He yelled at you in bed?" I said in a disgusted voice "I'm gonna fucking kill him."

"No," Ginny said weakly, tears streaming down her pale, beautiful face. "It's my fault, really. I'm unlovable, why would anyone want me in the first place? I was lucky enough to have him, and then I blew it."

Unlovable? How could she even think that? Had she no idea that she was the entire world to me? That my entire body was aching, aching for her? She was anything but unlovable!

"Don't you ever say that." I said sternly. "Many people love you, Ginny."

"Like who?"

"Your family, your friends.. me.." I choked as I mentioned myself.

"Yeah, and I appreciate that, but I meant that no one's _in love _with me." she sighed.

Was this my moment? Was this the moment I revealed my love for her? She needed it. She needed to know that there was still someone out there who was in love with her. But I was scared. She'd reject me for sure, never to look at me the same way again. Maybe putting my heart on the line was a good thing, what if she felt the way I did, but didn't act on it, just like me? In that very moment I made a decision I am still regretting.

"I know someone.." I said in a low voice, barely above a whisper. There was no going back now.

"Who?"

"Me."

"You?"

"Yeah, me."

"You?"

"Yeah, we've established that, can you please say something else before I go completely insane?"

"You're in love with _me?" _I nodded in response. "I don't know what to say... you're a girl..."

"You don't have to say anything, you don't have to s-"

I was cut off by her lips capturing mine. For a moment I just stood there, like a deer caught in headlights, but within seconds I had started to kiss her back. I parted my lips, allowing her tongue to enter, and our tongues danced slowly together. I sighed against her mouth. How could I have worried about telling her?

It all moved so quickly from there. I can't recall us walking up to my dormitory, or if we even met anybody on the way up, but the parts after that I remember clearly. I still think of them. Everyday.

When we entered the dormitory we checked that it was empty before we sat down on my bed. There she kissed me again, more forcefully than the last time. We moved further onto the bed, and I placed her underneath me. I loved her so much, a total cliche I know, but it's true, and now I had the opportunity to show her just how much I loved her.

She didn't resist when I started to fumble with the buttons on her shirt, or when I unclasped herbraw and threw it to the floor. I looked at her in awe. There she lay, exposed underneath me, willingly letting me touch and kiss every inch of her body.

I started by nibbling on her ear, and then kissed my way down her body. When I kissed and licked her neck and collarbone she gasped a writhed underneath me, pleasure evident in her eyes. I took one of her breasts in my mouth a sucked fiercly on her erect nipple.

"Oh, Hermione!"

I kissed my way down her body, pausing right below her bellybutton. Then I carefully undid her jeans, she helped me pull them off along with her underwear, and now she was totally naked. I pushed her down on the bed once again. I went down to her core. She was already soaking wet. Needing, aching to be touched. I forcefully ran three fingers over her now dripping wet pussy. She squirmed and moaned, and I had only just begun.

"I've got a secret." I whispered seductively.

"What?" she breated shakily, full with anticipation.

"I am going make you scream."

I brought my mouth to her pussy and ran my tongue up her slit, before I sucked on her clit.

"Ah...oh!" She was moaning and writhing on the bed, her breast bouncing wildly as she arched her back in pleasure.

I took her in a wet, sloppy kiss, before I once again focused on the need between her legs. I licked two of my fingers. I pushed them slowly inside of her. At first she stiffened, and I saw a look of pain cross her face, but it was gone soon after. I built up a steady rhythm with my fingers. A the same time I sucked on her clit, gently at first, but at the end it was almost biting. It didn't take long before she was shaking, moaning and begging underneath me.

"Oh fuck...oh god... 'Mione!" she screamed, her hips raising from the bed. Her forehead was sweaty and her hair was a mess, and she seemed to be in complete bliss. "Please, 'Mione... faster...harder...more!"

I obliged and pulled my fingers deeper inside of her, and got ready to add two new fingers. Now I pushed four fingers inside of her, and she seemed to have lost the ability to speak. All I could make out was whimpers and moans and my own name. It felt so good to hear her scream _my _name.

"Ah...oh...AHHHHHH, HERMIONE!" she screamed as she trashed and threw her head back in complete ecstacy. The juices ticked out of her and she shuddered in delight, resting her head on the pillow. For a couple of minutes she didn't speak. She just gasped for air with a content smile playing on her lips.

"So, did I make you scream?"

"Yeah, I think you noticed for yourself." she said, trying to recover. I just smiled at her.

I had her, the girl I loved, in my bed. She had been moaning my name, and she had been completely at my mercy. I loved the feeling of power and control I had over her, making her beg me for more.

"Ginny!" I was startled when I heard Harry's voice from the common room. "Ginny, where are you?"

"Oh, no...Harry." Ginny whispered, as if she just remembered that she in fact had a boyfriend. She picked up her clothes from the floor and got dressed in a hurry. I had no chance to say or do anything. She pressed a hasty kiss to my lips and whispered "Thank you" before she headed out the door to Harry. I put on my own clothes and snuck out of my dormitory and down to the common room, so that I could listen in on their conversation. Desperate, yeah, but haven't I already showed how desperate I am?

"Liste, Gin, I'm sorry." Harry said, taking Ginny's hand.

"No, I'm sorry... I'm the one who pulled away, you had every right to be mad." she said, and hugged him. She seemed a little uneasy in his embrace, probably thinking about our encounter only minutes before.

_'What? Every right to be mad? The guy screamed at you because you didn't want to have sex, what kind of a guy does that? Ginny, can't you see that I love you, that I will love you better than he ever did? He doesn't deserve you. He bailed on you when you were at your most vulnerable, but I, I stayed, I stayed with you. I touched you in ways I know you've never been touched before, and still you go back to him. Can't you see that my heart belongs to you? No, I guess not, because there you are, right back in his arms, smiling happily up at him. Did I ever mean anything to you?'_

With these thoghts in my head I walked up to my dormitory and went to sleep, not wanting to see Harry and Ginny together.

The next day Ginny approached me with a sad but determined look on her face. I knew it was coming. The rejection. Who could ever want me, Hermione Granger, when they could have Harry Potter? For a few minutes the night before I had actually believed that she loved me back. That she let me do all those things to her because she loved me. That makes me a fool, doesn't it?

"Hermione-" she began, but I cut her off.

"You can save it, Ginny," I said. "I know what you're going to say, I'm familiar with rejection."

"I'm sorry, I just don't feel that way about you. I like boys. You'd be my first choice if I was into girls, but I'm not. I love you, but like a friend, not a lover. I was in a bad place yesterday, and you helped me, that's all it was. Last night was amazing, and I will never forget it, but can't it be a happy little memory? Are you sure you feel so strongly for me?"

"A memory, huh? That's all?" I whispered.

"We can still be friends, right?" she said hopefully.

"Friends?" I said bitterly, blinking back the tears that were forming in my eyes. "No, Ginny, we can't be friends, okay?"

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want only half of you, that's worse than nothing at all!" I cried. I was no longer able to stop the tears, as they were now running down my cheeks. Ginny looked at me with a mix of sadness and bitterness.

"Hermione," she said, tears forming in her eyes. "Why couldn't you have kept that secret, then everything would be alright now."

Then she kissed me on the forehead, before she reluctantly walked away. I looked after her until she was out of sight, then I fell to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably. It felt like someone had just stabbed me in the gut. How coud this have happened? Why had I opened my mouth? Ginny was right, if I hadn't said anything everything would be alright now.

Everything was my fault. I had put my heart on the line and been rejected. I was stupid enough to believe that if you wanted something and fought for it, then it would come to you. How foolish am I for actually believing that? In my desperation to make Ginny fall in love with me I also lost her as a friend. Therefore I will give you this advice, and I know it sounds harsh, but I don't care: don't follow your heart!

It will only lead to heartbreak!


End file.
